Chapter 14: Wester


I take it all back. I want to go back to sleeping in beds. I'm soft.


My butt has never been so sore. Bikes suck.



Passed a school bus that must have just slowly rolled off the road. Sad.

What's the flyover states claim to fame after the airplanes?


I feel like the view would be nice if it wasn't only brown, dead corn.

Oh yeah, it's cinco. Bueno.

Leia doesn't want to find coronas but if I "want to throw up piss all night, go for it." Well I will. Thanks.

I haven't had a drink in weeks, after I got cut off. IT'S A HOLIDAY.

Found a gas station. No Corona. Millers will do. Fiveo de Americano.


Woke up barfing piss.

My metabolism got awful after not drinking. And drinking in the beer aisle offers no restraint.

Leia says "I told you so" with her eyes.


This jumbo jet must've gotten caught in the Flash radius. Slammed into this empty field. At least everyone on board was already dead.



My bad leg is on fire.


Leia won't laugh at my jokes. Dallas is too tired to pay attention. The open road is long.

My leg hurts and no one can help me find Sara. Today I do miss my mom.


We found one motorcycle. One. For the three of us.

So Leia's driving slowly with me on the back. Dallas follows.

Hey, she's got nice abs.

Although I swear she looked like she was just gonna book it without us for a minute.


I do get lonely, but every day I'm glad we aren't in Mad Max.

We pushed through til Nebraska. Leia won't let me drive the bike even after days. Maybe shouldn't have told her I wrecked the last one.

But she goes so slow! And drives annoyingly carefully.


Not making much progress. We have to drive in the shoulder around the wrecks most of the time. Dallas trots along.

I got really sunburned on my neck. I can't even sleep at night. Should've stayed in the hotel. Or the mall. Or anywhere.

Duck Hunt: Road Warrior Edition. 3 vultures so far.

I painted buzzard outlines on the bike. I'm going for Ace.

With no cars, this whole place became planet fitness.


End of the world feminism lesson: the bitch will not let me drive. Glad she's empowering herself and all.

DALE'S DINER Well, shoot, I'ma hafta git me some crap food and shoot some pool!

There's a spare motorcycle in the parking lot.

Leia's building a fire in the gravel lot. Canned chili again. She said to make sure the other motorcycle works.

Leia thinks it's probably a good time to split. Used words like "non-compatible" "tension" "irresponsible". Am I "using" these right?

She thinks we'll be less of a burden on each other apart. Well, how very diplomatic. Thank you kindly.

Of course I'm useful to the group! How else will everyone track us? Who will know where to find us?

And she has the nerve to say Dallas can stay with me! My dog! Thanks!

Guess I've gotta load up my new bike.

This bike won't start. Weird. No explanation. Just won't go. Just gonna throw this empty sack of sugar in the dumpster.

So I guess we're back to riding together. Until I find a way to get myself around. How generous of her.


Awkward day.


Ever be riding behind someone on a motorcycle, and you have to hold them, to not die, but every part of them is reluctant to be touched?

Not me. She feels my magnetism, baby.


You know, the N64 controller really had a weird shape.

Drove past another motorcycle. Wrecked pretty bad. Skeleton driver looked not good.

Leia still wanted me to see if I could fix it. Are you crazy? A working one will show up, geez.

Although she may kill me soon if she can't unload me.


Poured rain in the middle of an open road. 20 minutes till we found a car to sit in. I'm gonna get so sick.

Leia insists I cover my eyes while she changes to dry clothes. I've already seen most of her... Also it'll take 15 minutes from a car seat.


I dreamed a plane flew overhead.


I feel like this time last year it was 20 degrees hotter. We might be okay. Or it could snow. Who knows, anymore.

I've been making sure we get off the bike at the same time every rest stop. Not getting left. My leg is messed up.

Be bop ba badadado. I'm the scatman.


I'm not taking any Japanese motorcycles if we find them. I prefer to loot American-made. For our economy.

Accidentally just said "aboat." I thought my accent would have rubbed off on Leia by now. IT'S HOW THEY TALK IN MOVIES


It's getting dark later, so the Taskmistress is pushing us further west in each day. Hey, I'll stay pressed up against that booty all day.

Ordinarily, though, she is NOT my type. This is a fluke.


Dammit. Bleeding again.

Had to pull over to clean up in the little girl's room. If she puts up a fuss about this, I swear…


It's the real housewives of the wasteland out here. "I'm not here to make friends. I'm just here to be the best survivor."

"Out of the two of them, Dallas is really my best friend in the caravan. I hope she doesn't get kicked out."


Found a burnt-out fuel tanker. This thing took out like ten cars. Good thing everyone was already dead.

We found a biker bar. 20 motorcycles in working condition. This looks like it could be it.

Leia said pick a bike and take a hike. Actually, I wish she had rhymed it.

She's really snuggling up with Dallas. A creature that doesn't say a word will be more missed than me.

I'm gonna lend Leia my paint can and let her leave me a goodbye message.


Then I will dictate.

Keep the leg clean. The wound could reopen. Drink enough water. Stop drinking all Red Bull (sure, and why don't you stop breathing)

Don't trust strangers. Don't push Dallas too hard. Don't be a creep to the next person you meet.

Thanks. See ya.

I love her.

She disappeared on the horizon. I need a drink.


I THink s he wasthelo ve of my life. We gotta go findher